Love-language of Co-regulation

Co-regulation is when two people come together through a physical expression that results to the regulation of their nervous system.

This connection can take place between friends, lovers, parent and child, siblings, and it's a powerful tool for the regulation of a person's nervous system as it provides a felt sense of safety to both parties.

Little children can only experience co-regulation with a self-regulated parent. Without establishing co-regulation first it is not possible to learn self-regulation later on in life.

Co-regulation can take place with touching softly each other, through a hug, eye gazing and smiling to one another, breathing together and even through play.

Co-regulation can also be verbally expressed during any of the above connection. As long as the tone of voice is relevant to the physical connection, it is heartfelt and it is communicable through presence and honesty.

This is a list of co-regulation phrases I use with my daughter alongside our connections in order to reinforce the co-regulation process:

" I am here for you"

"I will hold your hand till you are ready to go"

"I see how you feel and we will go though this together"

"I am happy to support you in anything you need"

"Let's do this together"

"I love being with you, you are important to me"

"I enjoy spending time with you"

"I love our connection, can I get closer to you?"

"Your existence makes me so happy"

"I enjoy your company, let's play now"

These words can seal the connection you have with your child and give a meaning to the physical connection you create with them every time. Our children need these words to feel nourished and loved. Please remember that what we tell them as parents becomes the way they speak to themselves. If we speak to them lovingly, with respect and appreciation, while providing the physical touch of co-regulation, they will learn and master from an early age one of the most important tools for happiness, sovereignty and resilience in their lives: the ability to self-regulate in a healthy and effective way.

Thank you for reading.

And always remember that everything you seek is already within you.

Heart to Heart,

Christina

  © Christina Georgiou