Feb 293 min read

10 Ways to help your Child remain their Authentic Self

We are our Authentic Self when we come to this world, but what does it take to remain in that energy of spontaneity, truth and wonderment?

Developmental and attachment trauma disrupt our spontaneous expression to be our authentic and truest selves, while forming coping mechanisms of survival. When being rejected, neglected, unseen and abused creates a rapture in our heart which becomes a trauma imprint in our nervous system that leaves us unable to feel safe in our relationships and be fully ourselves. This results to learning to be inauthentic and pleasing others in order to feel our worth through them while ensuring that we will be accepted by them, even though we are not who we truly are anymore.

Inner child work for our adult selves and parenting for our little ones can take place in 10 effective ways:

EXPLORE WHAT THEY LIKE AND LOVE by allowing them to day-dream, become curious and explore in their own time and space. This will keep them connected to their sense of self while feeling safe in their surrounding which is enriched with love and acceptance.
MODEL AUTHENTICITY by just being yourself around them, expressing your emotions, respecting your needs and communicating your boundaries. This will encourage them to respect themselves and honor who they are. They will know that they will still be loved no matter what they do, which is crucial for maintaining their authentic expression.
VALIDATE EMOTIONS by letting them feel their feelings and provide a safe space for them to feel and be held. Make them know that their emotions valid and that they are not too much for you. Show them that they are believed, for every single thing they feel or say. This is how they will continue feeling and expressing their emotions in healthy ways while feeling seen, loved and respected.
BE A ROLE MODEL OF TRUTH by being honest with yourself and others. This will teach them to be reliant, trustworthy and sincere around the subject of truth. And they will more easily follow your lived example if you choose to live in truth and integrity. It will teach them to feel safe and be empowered to speak their truth.
ENCOURAGE THEM TO EXPRESS THEIR WANTS AND OPINIONS without the fear of being rejected or judged. Let them speak to you and stay with an open-heart and avoid judgement of any kind. Show them that what they say is of your best interest. This will help them believe in them stand out in the crowds.
GIVE THEM CHOICES, always. Having a sense of agency from earlier years will prevent rapture and the possibility of physiological trauma. This will also help them feel able to have the control and will empower them to seek and create their agency in the rest of their lives.
ALLOW CREATIVITY AND SELF-EXPRESSION in their everyday-life. Let them just enjoy themselves and be loved and witnessed for that. Children love to be creative. They have their own way of doing things and it is important to allow that for as long as it takes without trying to teach them "the right way". This will encourage imagination and creativity to stay alive and bring up the best in them.
PROVIDE SPACE FOR THEM TO LEARN AND DISCOVER. Making your home and garden child-proved and allowing them to play in nature with no restrictions beyond the precautions of safety is crucial for their physical, mental, emotional and spiritual well-being. Knowing that they reached somewhere, accomplished something or discovered something new on their own is treasure for their self-confidence.
MIRROR THEIR UNIQUENESS. Instead of praising them and enforcing them to seek external validation reflect and describe to them in detail their unique gifts instead. Talk with them and direct them inside their own selves to find the motivation, inspiration and satisfaction they need in order to succeed and thrive.
CELEBRATE THEIR PRESENCE IN YOUR LIFE. Light up every time you meet them, after school or after returning home from your job. Let them see how your eyes and your whole world shine when you see them and let them know that they make you feel this way also with words of love. This will help them face the biggest adversities in life in the future as they will feel this anchor of belonging within.